Baby + Cold = tired mama!

So I’ve not shared anything recently because baby has been ill. He caught it from husband and I’m tired and bound to get it.

Does every mommy (and daddy) feel helpless when their little one is suffering? He was up every 2/3 hours last night which is unusual for him, even when he’s been poorly before and it tore my heart out.

I just want to blow his nose for him! He couldn’t have a soother but managed to drink okay so I’m relieved he’s still being hydrated enough. We ended up tilting his Next2MeCrib so he was on an angle and that seemed to help.

It didn’t help me, I slept halfway down the bed thinking he was going to do flips out of it and I didn’t sleep cause of his raspy breathing.

We had two Vicks plugs in and some rub on his vest and he still suffered. Husband has ordered a proper humidifier but what remedies, old and new, do you moms use? I’d do anything to make this easier for him.

Also, 5 weeks to go till I return to work!!!!


Me, Myself & Baby

Can you believe that I have been struggling to write this post since Sunday? Because I have.

It’s about loneliness during maternity Leave and as I’ve started this blog because I’m due to return to work, I have a backlog of loneliness to get off my chest.

It all started Sunday night when I realised that the weekend was over and husband would be returning to work and I’d be home alone again. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending quality time with my baby, I love playing with him, cooing with him, helping him to develop but I miss those selfish shower moments where a quick 3 minute wash can turn into a 10 or 15 minute indulgence.

I have friends, non-moms, moms to be and mom friends and I know I can off load on them. I’m lucky in that sense although I don’t see them as often as I would like.

I miss talking to my husband because it’s with him I feel this loneliness. 

I feel like when he comes home and asks how my day has gone, it’s all baby related and his all work. I have nothing to offer him, perhaps it will change when I return to work but I know I’ll be so overwhelmed with anxiety of not seeing my baby, I’ll be all over him.

I also know, when I do return to work, I’ll have an inclination as to how husband feels being at work, away from us and coming home when it’s almost bedtime so I feel I can dismiss that resentment towards him, that he gets a break because it’s not really, he may get a break from being dad but he’d much rather prefer to be at home. Does that make sense?

I’m rambling I know, this is why I’ve struggled to write this post so far, because I would read back what is written and I would feel selfish or get angry with myself.

When you find out you’re expecting, everyone is quick to jump on about how tired you’ll be, how you will change and your life will change, how you’ll always, almost, be covered in some unexplained stain but no one tells you how lonely being a mom is.

How do you explain to someone, that you’re never alone but lonely? Even when your baby is sleeping, you are on constant alert or checking on them, you don’t switch off.

I would love to know what others mom do to get over this loneliness, perhaps I can steal your tips?

Does anyone else suffer with loneliness? Is it really a part of motherhood or am I being selfish?

Party Like It’s 2017

Before I met my husband, I was out almost every weekend and walking in at 6/7am in the morning.

When I met him I had ‘calmed down’ and he wasn’t a big drinker so weekends out dwindled and then we were saving to get married and go on honeymoon.

Then we got pregnant and I became a recluse due to suffering with extreme sickness. My pregnancy wasn’t the greatest but something I am grateful for because Dillon overcame obstacles and I grew stronger as a person.

I’ve been to one main event since Dil was born and that was a wedding, he was 2 months old and I had him with me the whole time (he slept, I basked at the compliments received about him) but we went to bed at 10pm.

I’ve never been comfortable leaving him with others and I think this is why I’m so anxious to return to work. It’s just been me and him, just the two of us when husband/daddy is at work.

I can hear experienced moms in the background shouting out how I’ve set myself up to fail, I’ll have a clingy baby, blah blah blah.

And I agree with them, I probably have set myself up to fail but the moment I saw him, the moment I heard him cry, the first time he looked at me, I was hooked!

I’ve never had drugs but I imagine the euphoric affects are the same. Like coffee.

I went out for an adult meal the other day and cried when I left Dillon. Is it going to be like this all the time?

Tomorrow night he goes for a sleepover with my sister and neices. I’m going to a 30th birthday party, I don’t know what bothers me more:

  1. Getting dolled up or;
  2. Not being in bed for 8pm.

I know he is going to be fine, I know they are all going to have fun and she will give him chocolate pudding and I’ll enjoy a cocktail (or two!) and a rare night out with friends and Alex (husband!).

So, why can’t I be excited about being ‘free’ and not having an alarm clock? 

Why am I not excited that I’m going out with friends who were great to me during my pregnancy?

Why can’t I let go?

I’m interested to know if there are any tips, techniques, even breathing exercises and advice that can be given to make this change easier on me, I know Dillon and everyone else will be fine!!

Do you have the same worries? Same concerns? Don’t want to leave your baby with someone else? Did you overcome the anxiety of not being in the same place?

Pizza scissors review.

Okay, as you can see from my previous post I got a bit upset that baby was eyeballing my cheese pizza like a bad extra out of Home Alone.

I also want to jazz up the blog a bit, but I’m not JUST a mom, I’m also a pizza lover. A food lover really but this is about pizza.

Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof!

What I didn’t mention is that I bought my husband a joke present, pizza scissors. I bought them from Amazon after he moaned when I came home with a pizza cutter. I mean, did you know pizza scissors existed? Scissors to cut a pizza, what next?

I bought the Sagaform pizza scissors with server for £14.94 and when it arrived it came with a lot of catalogues for various other kitchen items which I’ll be honest, I discarded after perusing into the recycling.

Now, I don’t need an excuse for pizza but I can’t use the “I’m pregnant” or “Baby wants pizza” or the new one I’m trying out “I need to fill the 7lb 4oz hole in my tummy” anymore so I reminded my husband that I’d bought these for him and hurrah, it worked. Pizza was on the menu.

The future: pizza sliced by pizza scissors!

I know it doesn’t look appetising but I can confirm, as an enthusiastic pizza eater, it was delicious.

If mom blogging doesn’t work perhaps I can become a pizza eater blogger! I’ve worked hard on my pizza eating skills.

Fast forward to the moment the pizzas are cooked, the scissors are ready to snip into action, slicing equal portions of beautiful pizza, when my husband pipes up from the kitchen and asks “how do you use them?”

It’s not as easy as you would think and as modern warriors of the world we turned to Google who couldn’t help. So we risked snipping the deliciousness (mine first cheeky sod!) and he cut and went “oh” the genius figured it out #engineer

You just scissor and scissor he did but whether it was the pizza, scissors or my husband, not all sliced were equal but it’s pizza and it’s going to get eaten anyway.

SO, to conclude, if you like quirky gadgets in your kitchen like my husband, this is one to add to the list otherwise just stick with ye olde faithful, the cutter. Pizzas won’t know the difference or judge.

He sees you when you’re eating.

I’ve been a mom for 6 months although I do argue that I’ve been a mom since the two lines appeared on the pregnancy test and I celebrated with a muffin.

We’ve started weaning Dillon a month ago with a mixture of baby food and finger foods.

I won’t lie, even now I find it daunting and sit there waiting to pounce if h gags, which is a natural reflex and they’re not actually choking. (Thank you Google!).

The thing I’ve struggled with is Dillon has never let us know if he’s full, he’s just kept guzzling his milk so the introduction of food you would think would fill him up, right? Wrong. He would quite happily have a jar of mushed vegetables and 10 minutes later scream for something else.

In the build up to started the attempt to wean Dillon I never noticed him eye balling my food until last night, a month into solids and I felt extremely overprotective of my food. I mean, it was a cheese pizza just for me..

I’ve always accused my husband of being a selfish eater and not sharing. I would blame it on being an only child and would happily voice how I would share my food with anyone.

Well, in my defence, Dillon doesn’t have teeth. This cheese pizza would be wasted on him.

Please tell me I am not the only momma who doesn’t want to share their food with the little people?

No cheese pizzas were harmed in the making of this blog post.

Eyeballing my cheese pizza

To resolute or not to resolute?

Please tell me I am not the only one who hasn’t done a resolution yet? I mean, I did see the New Year in but I was complaining about how much I wanted to sleep from 9:30pm onwards so thinking of a resolution was out of the question.

As a new mom, the kind of resolutions I want to make are:

  1. Have more sleep
  2. Shower more
  3. Make an effort with my appearance
  4. Wear a bra more often.

Truth be told, I’m only interested in the first one. Dillon has slept through the night for months now but I can’t get over that feeling of exhaustion. 

I’m still being advised to ‘sleep when they sleep’ but when Dillon sleeps, I’m only interested in one thing and that is a hot cup of coffee and some normal tv. 

And who wants to wear a bra anyway?

As a wife, the kind of resolutions I’d like to make are:

  • Learn to cook
  • Tidy up more often
  • Be more attentative to my husband
  • Be more motivated to communicate and not just make random gargle noises.

I don’t cook and I’m a low standard kind of cleaning person. If we lived in the 1950s where it was expected to be a good housewife, to clean and cook meals I would fail miserably. I would be a spinster.

I could make some resolutions to change my perception of myself, to better myself, to become a better person towards others.

All that would require the energy to 1: put a bra on and 2: put make up on.

Well, I have one child but I look like I have 3!

Okay. If I think really hard about what kind of resolutions I want to make and stick to being a first time, tired mom. It would be these, in no particular order:

  1. I want to take time for myself and not just as a treat.
  2. I want to love what I see in the mirror.
  3. I will get into a routine of eating healthy but I won’t be strict on myself.
  4. I want to make more of an effort to regain a social life, more importantly, time with my husband.
  5. I want to become better at organising myself and my home. It’s completely cluttered.
  6. I want to become more patient
  7. I want to learn to cook after learning how to be patient.
  8. I want to find a way to be a stay at home mom and earn enough to support my husband with the bills.
  9. Or; I want to become successful in a career I’d be happy in.
  10. I want to not panic about turning 30.

I think 10 is a healthy double figure number just like the number 30. Which I will not obsess over. I will not, I will not, I will not!!

First Christmas, New Year & Work.

So we had our first Christmas as parents and I wish I could emphasise how magical it was.

Man Beef & Baby Boy

I strongly believe that someone should write a book on “Baby’s 1st Christmas” and what not to buy.

For us, Dillon was 6 months old so we bought what we thought would be useful for his development and toys that were a bit older by a few months so it wasn’t wasted money. (WWM).

However, so did everyone else and we couldn’t move in our living room for stepping on something noisy, squeaky, chiming or hard! Dillon was more interested in anything but his presents.

I know Christmas is now over but as soon as I could, I took the tree down.  It was either get rid of the magical sparkly tree or the changing table and I use that as a Dillon-drobe. (A furniture item used to store said baby’s clothing etc).

So with our first Christmas out the way and a living room full of items I know we are never going to have the chance to use, enjoy, destroy, demolish (apart from the chocolates!), we spent our New Years with friends and bad karaoke (me!).

Once we rang in the New Year, it hit me. I’m going back to work. I’m leaving my baby for the whole day for 4 days.

This is my baby who I’ve cared for, for 6 months and although I know returning to work will be good for me, the anxiety of leaving him overwhelms me.

I’m not who I was when I left work, I FEEL like a completely different person, I look completely different (fat, grey but still freckly!), I’m a mom.

I know I can’t be the only mom (or dad!) out there who is dreading this, I’m appealing for help to make the transition easier for myself and any advice on how to make it easier for Dillon.

If Dillon could answer back!