Can you believe that I have been struggling to write this post since Sunday? Because I have.
It’s about loneliness during maternity Leave and as I’ve started this blog because I’m due to return to work, I have a backlog of loneliness to get off my chest.
It all started Sunday night when I realised that the weekend was over and husband would be returning to work and I’d be home alone again.
Don’t get me wrong, I love spending quality time with my baby, I love playing with him, cooing with him, helping him to develop but I miss those selfish shower moments where a quick 3 minute wash can turn into a 10 or 15 minute indulgence.
I have friends, non-moms, moms to be and mom friends and I know I can off load on them. I’m lucky in that sense although I don’t see them as often as I would like.
I miss talking to my husband because it’s with him I feel this loneliness.
I feel like when he comes home and asks how my day has gone, it’s all baby related and his all work. I have nothing to offer him, perhaps it will change when I return to work but I know I’ll be so overwhelmed with anxiety of not seeing my baby, I’ll be all over him.
I also know, when I do return to work, I’ll have an inclination as to how husband feels being at work, away from us and coming home when it’s almost bedtime so I feel I can dismiss that resentment towards him, that he gets a break because it’s not really, he may get a break from being dad but he’d much rather prefer to be at home. Does that make sense?
I’m rambling I know, this is why I’ve struggled to write this post so far, because I would read back what is written and I would feel selfish or get angry with myself.
When you find out you’re expecting, everyone is quick to jump on about how tired you’ll be, how you will change and your life will change, how you’ll always, almost, be covered in some unexplained stain but no one tells you how lonely being a mom is.
How do you explain to someone, that you’re never alone but lonely? Even when your baby is sleeping, you are on constant alert or checking on them, you don’t switch off.
I would love to know what others mom do to get over this loneliness, perhaps I can steal your tips?
Does anyone else suffer with loneliness? Is it really a part of motherhood or am I being selfish?